Read something like this before?
The start of the Twenty First century is here and the European Community is still struggling to shake off the latest in a series of economic recessions. Poor communication has often been blamed for holding back the expansion of business. The European Parliament has recently commissioned a study into ways of improving efficiency.
Although English was adopted as the first language of the EC back in 1971, it has always been recognised that English spelling is unnecessarily difficult. This becomes clear when we consider the words ‘chough’, ‘plough’, ‘rough’, ‘through’ and ‘thorough’. Officials in Brussels have therefore agreed that there is a need for a phased programme of changes to iron out these anomalies. A high level committee is being set up to staff these changes.
After the first year of the programme, the committee is likely to suggest using ‘s’ instead of the soft ‘c’. Sertainly, sivil servants in all sites will resieve this news with joy. The hard ‘c’ will probably be replaced by ‘k’, sinse both letters are pronounsed alike. Not only would this klear up konfusion in the minds of klerikal workers, but one key kould be saved on komputer keyboards.
Enthusiasm is expekted to grow in the sekond year, when it will be announced that the troublesome ‘ph’ will henseforth be written as ‘f’. This will make words like ‘fotograf’ 20 per sent shorter in print. The move will also please fysiologists and fysisists.
In the third year, publik akseptance of the new spellings kan be expekted to reash the stage when more komplikated shanges are possible. Goverments will enkourage the removal of double leters, whish have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.
We would al agre that the horible mes of silent ‘e’s’ in the language is disgrasful. Therefor, we kould drop thes and kontinu to read and writ as though nothing had hapend.
By this tim, it wil be four years sins the skem began and peopl wil be reseptiv to steps sush as replasing ‘th’ by ‘z’. Perhaps zen ze funktion of ‘w’ kould be taken on by ‘v’ vich is, after al, half a ‘w’. Shortly after zis, ze unesesary ‘o’ kould be droped from words kontaining ‘ou’. Similar arangments vud, of kors, be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.
Kontinuing zis proses yer after yer, ve vud eventuli hav a reli sensibl riten styl. After tventi yers, zer vud be no more trublsm difikltis und evrevun vil find it ezi to understand each ozer. It is apropriat zat in 2008, ze yer of ze Uropen Trety, ze komunity shud be takink vun mor stp tovards unifikation.
The start of the Twenty First century is here and the European Community is still struggling to shake off the latest in a series of economic recessions. Poor communication has often been blamed for holding back the expansion of business. The European Parliament has recently commissioned a study into ways of improving efficiency.
Although English was adopted as the first language of the EC back in 1971, it has always been recognised that English spelling is unnecessarily difficult. This becomes clear when we consider the words ‘chough’, ‘plough’, ‘rough’, ‘through’ and ‘thorough’. Officials in Brussels have therefore agreed that there is a need for a phased programme of changes to iron out these anomalies. A high level committee is being set up to staff these changes.
After the first year of the programme, the committee is likely to suggest using ‘s’ instead of the soft ‘c’. Sertainly, sivil servants in all sites will resieve this news with joy. The hard ‘c’ will probably be replaced by ‘k’, sinse both letters are pronounsed alike. Not only would this klear up konfusion in the minds of klerikal workers, but one key kould be saved on komputer keyboards.
Enthusiasm is expekted to grow in the sekond year, when it will be announced that the troublesome ‘ph’ will henseforth be written as ‘f’. This will make words like ‘fotograf’ 20 per sent shorter in print. The move will also please fysiologists and fysisists.
In the third year, publik akseptance of the new spellings kan be expekted to reash the stage when more komplikated shanges are possible. Goverments will enkourage the removal of double leters, whish have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.
We would al agre that the horible mes of silent ‘e’s’ in the language is disgrasful. Therefor, we kould drop thes and kontinu to read and writ as though nothing had hapend.
By this tim, it wil be four years sins the skem began and peopl wil be reseptiv to steps sush as replasing ‘th’ by ‘z’. Perhaps zen ze funktion of ‘w’ kould be taken on by ‘v’ vich is, after al, half a ‘w’. Shortly after zis, ze unesesary ‘o’ kould be droped from words kontaining ‘ou’. Similar arangments vud, of kors, be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.
Kontinuing zis proses yer after yer, ve vud eventuli hav a reli sensibl riten styl. After tventi yers, zer vud be no more trublsm difikltis und evrevun vil find it ezi to understand each ozer. It is apropriat zat in 2008, ze yer of ze Uropen Trety, ze komunity shud be takink vun mor stp tovards unifikation.
This is entertaining. Thanks for sharing, Desmond!
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